[Gpdd] [RAINBOW BRIDGE] Wallie

[Ginger Hoffman]

Dear Everyone,

Wallie passed away last night.  We had him put to sleep.  In the 
morning, the vet did an ultrasound and said there were two kidney 
stones, one in each ureter.  There were also maybe 4 stones in the 
right kidney itself.  She said that they could try to operate, but 
operations on one ureter are really really hard, let alone two.  She 
felt like it was a clear decision to not try to do the surgery.  From 
what I've read and heard from all of you (and guinea lynx), it does 
seem like a stone in each ureter is pretty hard to get around.

The vet wanted us to euthanize him immediately, but we decided to take 
some time.  We stayed with him from noon to 5p.m., and then took him 
home.  Wallie has been a very feisty and opinionated guy, and we 
thought that he should decide when to leave us.  He seemed like he was 
slow and sedate; it was hard to tell if he was suffering or not.  The 
decision was completely agonizing and I think the vet thought we were 
cruel.  We keep telling Wallie to give us a sign if he wanted help.  
When we got home, he seemed happy to be in his floortime area, and even 
bit some lettuce (but didn't swallow).  We stayed with him, and he 
crawled into his cuddle cup face first and stayed there.  We gave him 
his pain meds (buprenorphine), but he went back into the cuddle cup and 
didn't want to come out.  We thought that was a clear enough sign so we 
took him back to have him euthanized.  Watching him go was so 
indescribably difficult.

I am so worried that we made the wrong decisions about when to 
euthanize him.  On the one hand, it kills me that he might have had to 
suffer longer.  On the other hand, it felt really bad to make the 
decision for him, and much of the time it really didn't seem like he 
was suffering too much--he mainly just seemed zonked out (until the end 
when he crawled in the cuddle cup--then it seemed clear that he was 
suffering, and then we took him in).  He was on the highest dose of 
buprenorphine possible, but I know that that doesn't necessarily mean 
he wasn't in pain.  Maybe if I did it again I would have had him put 
under sooner--I don't know.  I am glad we got to say a proper goodbye 
to him.  Please, if you think we made a reasonable decision, let me 
know.  We really tried to sense how he was feeling and what was right, 
and it did feel good in our guts.  I always want the very best for him.

Thank you so much for all of your help and prayers.  It makes me feel 
better knowing there is a caring community here.

love,
Ginger, Nosophoros (who is miraculously doing fine) and Wallie RIP.