[Gpdd] MISC: Cinnamon Bear
Michael Tanaka
mtanaka at hawaii.edu
Wed May 24 05:39:06 EDT 2006
Thank you for all your concerns, kind words, and queries. For those who
asked, Cinnamon Bear was three pounds. Since he wasn't eating much on his
own, I would supplement by syringe or just by putting food into his mouth
and forcing him to chew. From Sunday to Monday, he actually gained half an
ounce as I stayed up all night with him and fed him every 30 to 90 minutes.
On Monday night, his breathing came a little heavy. Sort of like if you had
just taken a brisk walk so you're breathing a little heavier. But by late
night, he began to breathe heavier and it sounded like mucous or something.
So we held him and cuddled him and kissed him and said we love him,
repeatedly. That's also when we noticed the black things on his testicles
and left leg had grown. He seemed to convulse or something. So we just
cried and cried. But the amazing thing is that, I briefly thought he was
gone, but actually, he was breathing normally! We were so ecstatic,
figuring, the baytril was 'kicking in' and he'd be okay.
But he kept getting weaker and weaker so that's when we rushed him to the
horrid emergency vet. I regret putting him through that car ride, which he
hated so much, and putting him through being examined and hearing what she
said, before he went.
My eyes are all swollen from crying. I guess I'm still in shock and can't
believe it.
I know lots of people have suggested we get a necropsy done but my heart
won't let me. I know logically it might yield some answers but my heart is
just so broken and furious with vets that I can't imagine letting them cut
open my beloved little baby boy. One vet suggested he was allergic to the
metacam, the metacam I insisted he get for his pain. How does that make ME
feel? Guiltier than ever! I brought everything upon him. I was in charge
of his health and he had to pay the ultimate price for my stupidity and
ignorance. Believe me, I'll never forgive myself for this. He didn't
deserve this. I wish it had all happened to me instead.
I'm the type to not make promises lightly and knowing how much he hated car
rides, I'd tell him, we're taking him to a doctor and after seeing the
doctor, he'll feel better. I kept making that promise and obviously, I
'lied.' When we thought he was going to go on Monday night, it got closer
and closer to midnight, then it was after midnight, he seemed better, so I
smiled and said, it's a new day, we can say goodbye to that yucky yesterday.
We'll take you to a new vet today and you'll be all better! I promised that
and he got worse later on, and of course he went. I doubt I'll be making
anymore promises anytime soon.
Again, thanks to everyone for all their responses. I'll be sure to get back
to everyone. Just, please give me some time. My eyes are quite swollen
from crying rivers and sometimes I just can't think. So I ask for your
patience.
Love you always, Cinnamon Bear. Your mommy corrine and daddy michael
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