[Gpdd] (Bridge) Pinkerton

[Stacy Harvey]

Once again, I am writing about the loss of a piggy...I don't know if I can take much more. Pinkerton, a.k.a. Pinky, went to the Bridge on Wednesday, June 3rd. 
 
My husband and I noticed over the weekend that Pinky just seemed "off" and that he wasn't eating as much as he usually did, although he still was interested in food. I took him to work with me on Tuesday (Monday was too busy, and besides "our" doc wasn't working that day.) and did some x-rays. To say they weren't good is an understatement. He had a huge mass in his abdomen that was displacing his organs--I'm not a doctor, but even I could see that much. Doc examined him after the clinic closed and she just mouthed the words "It's huge" to me as she palpated his abdomen. She said she was sorry and asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I'd take him home and keep him comfortable for as long as I could.
 
I took him home and sat with him on the couch with hubby and we discussed what to do. It was our mutual decision to have him euthanized the next day, so we sat and cried and petted him and let him eat as many carrots as he wanted. The next morning when I got up he was lying stretched out and very still. I thought he was already gone but he moved and blinked his eyes when I touched him. I picked him up and wrapped him in a soft towel and sat down with him, trying to decide if I should take him in to the clinic. I kept telling him "It's alright to go... there are so many others there waiting to greet you so you won't be alone." He heaved a few breaths, each one a little more shallow than the rest, and then he just sighed and passed on. I had my fingers on his chest to check his heart beat and it just slowed down until it stopped altogether. I think he was conscious and aware when I first picked him up, but then I think he just slipped to that place that
 they go--not quite unconscious, but not aware of his surroundings or feeling pain...I can't quite explain it. It's some sort of chemical thing. Anyway, I truly believe that he was waiting for me to pick him up and say it was okay for him to go.
 
I've lost 5 piggies in six months and it is tearing me apart. Right now I just feel like a horrible piggy parent. I mean, was he showing me any other signs that I was just too busy to see? This thing was inoperable, but still...I feel like I could have saved him some suffering if I'd only seen it sooner. My doc tells me my piggies live longer than just about all the others she's seen in her practice and I should feel good about giving them such healthy and long lives...but it still hurts for me to think that mine suffer because I was oblivious to the signs. Pinky was a little over 5 years old, guess that would have made him a SCAMPS piggy, huh? 
 
Thank you all for being there, and listening to my stories. It means a lot to know that there are some people who understand that even little creatures can leave a big hole in your life when they are gone. I also want to thank all of you who wrote me (on the Digest or privately) about Maxine. I'm sorry that I haven't had time to answer. 
 
Stacy and the Squee Squad