[Gpdd] HEALTH: Snowy Bear, my little 'white dude'

[corrine sakumoto]

In our household, we have nicknames for our piggies.  Since Snowy Bear was all white, a teddy, and a guy, sometimes we referred to him as 'the white dude.'

We brought him home from the vet's AFTER SHE CUT HIS PENIS OFF, and I was horrified that his bottom was bloody but there was a hole where his penis was so I guess that was 'normal' for that procedure.  We put him on soft baby blankets which were on a heating pad and also a portable heater to keep him warm.  I kept telling him I love him and would kiss him on the nose.  He kept turning away from me so I said to him,I guess now you hate me, well, that's okay, because I hate me too.  IF the vet had called and asked if she could do what she did, I would have said NO.

This morning and afternoon, Snowy Bear was actually better even though he was still 'blocked.'  He was actually drinking on his own, something he hadn't done in days.  He was eating on his own and actually chowed down on some fresh foods I picked for him from the garden.  Whenever I put him down on the floor he'd go walking around exploring.  He was so full of life!

Now, three hours after bringing him home, after his 'surgery' he's gone.  I mean I was screaming hysterically, poor Michael tried his best to comfort me, but I'm sure I could have been heard for miles as I was crying and screaming, I'M A MURDERDER!!!  I MURDERED MY LITTLE BOY!!!

I love Snowy Bear with all my heart, I just want to turn back time and say, No, don't do the surgery.  We had found another vet after this one because she didn't seem to know much.  But the second one we had didn't know much either but at least he'd always say so.  But he managed to help us with minor things.  He said Snowy Bear would require surgery and that since he's so small, he wasn't willing to do it.  So he said we'd have to find someone else willing to do it.  Well, we tried the first vet we had, and this is what happened.  *I* called her.  *I*'m the one responsible for his being MURDERED.  I mean how can something like this happen?  Today he was full of life and spunk! and now he's bloodied with a hole and gone?  It doesn't make any sense and SNOWY BEAR DIDN'T DESERVE THIS.  I just want my little 'white dude' back!  I want to feel him cuddle into my neck, he's the only piggie that ever did that to me.  He'd sit on a pillow on my lap as I used
 the computer.  He'd sometimes nap with me.  He kept me company.  Now he's gone and IT'S ALL MY FAULT.  I said to Michael that I don't think I should have piggies as I seem to murder them.  This was the most brutal in my book.  I don't think I can live with myself.

I hope to remember some better moments for my little Snowy Bear later.  But sorry to bore everyone.  I guess it helps me to 'talk' about it to people who understand.

Corrine