[Gpdd] MISC: Silliness - Halloween Hoe Down part 4

[Carol Riley]

 The Hoe Down
"My hair is a mess! Help me Alvy, please!" Adriana said. "Sit still. I can't do your hair properly with you twisting and turning to look at all the boars." "Addison, can you fix my hat so it looks really cool?" Lenny asked. "I don't know how to do really cool but this way looks perfectly fine."  Amaris was fussing with Alberta. The Surrey Squeakers were fussing with any pig within 1 foot of where they were grooming each other. Binky was on his way to where the boars were and when he passed by, Salsa got his back with hair spray. "Hey! I don't use that kind of stuff," Binky hollered. He turned to Eddie, "Help me get this stinky stuff off of me." Raani and Cookie were trying to get Binky to stand still so they could "poof his hair properly", according to them. Binky tried several times to get away and then just gave up.After about an hour of fussing and fixing, the group was ready to go to the Halloween Hoe Down. Even those who stated they didn't care wound up grooming themselves to make sure they looked good. No one wanted to be THAT pig - the one who was the least groomed.  Boars and sows took one last look in the many mirrors and went down the front steps to a limosine; however, on this trip there were no cocktails. The limo took the group to a building not far away. "This is where mommy found they do hoe down, and square dancing, and some other kind of stuff like that," Avalanche said. "There are people that will be the callers....they actually call the dance so you know what you're supposed to do next." Several guinea pigs nodded in agreement, as many had taken their cell phones out earlier on the sly to check on square dancing so they wouldn't look silly at the dance. They also had practiced some of the moves.They arrived and all ran into the building, making quite a bit of noise since each pig was stomping around in 4 boots. The floor was wooden and there were several small pillows on the floor all around the dancing area so pigs could relax and watch. Otto and Niamh went to the dance area first, followed by Carter and Mimi, Twinky and Ralphy, and Jim and Pickle. The four pairs took their places and the caller started. "Bow to your partner, bow to the corner," the human said. "Circle left." The caller continued and the four pairs followed the instructions. The dance lasted only a few minutes to allow all pigs the opportunity to dance. Sometimes it was sows with sows as there seemed to be more sows than boars. Avalanche, who had been talking about dancing with a sow for EVER to his slave, was very happy to have the chance to dance with Panama. Several young boars made sure they asked the older sows to dance, as was customary in the south. No pig was a wallflower!At a break in the dancing, the pigs turned to where the caller was standing to see Tyrion. "Attention. Attention please,"  Tyrion said into the microphone. "We have something very special tonight. Please put your paws together for the boars and the sows on stage ". Confused looks went around the room but the pigs politely clapped. There was a stage up front and when the curtain opened, Carter was at a microphone with Martin, Fernando, Hugo, Rodney, Evard Munch, Butch and Sundance around him. Over to the side was Saoirse, Aoife, Wasabi, Osaka, Ramona, Cucamonga, and Alaska. "Hi every pig," Carter said. "We boars are going to sing you a song with the lovely sows singing backup. OK, let's go." All the pigs on stage stepped up to their microphones and started singing:
Boars 'Round Here (sung to the tune of Boys 'Round Here by Blake Shelton)
Wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek whistle
Well the boars 'round here don't listen to their slaves
'Cuz it's too much fun to run and misbehave
At a honky-tonk where their paws stomp
All night what? (that's right)
Yeah and what they call work is playing in the hay
Gotta get it right 'fore the end of day
To get hay, to get the sow
In your corner of the cage (a guinea pig can survive)
Yeah the boars 'round here
Hopin' a sow is near
Wheekin' 'bout sows, wheekin' 'bout hay
Wheekin' 'bout getting lettuce all dang day
The boars 'round here
Sending up a prayer for the slave out there
Backwoods legit, take a corner and sit
Chew a carrot, chew a carrot, chew a carrot, spit
Aw heck
Wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek whistle
Well the boars 'round here they're keeping it piggie
Ain't a dang one know how to do the flippin'
(You don't do the flippin') no not in Tennessee
But these sows 'round here, yep, they still love me
Yeah the sows 'round here, they all deserve a whistle
Shakin' that sugar, sweet as Dixie crystal
They like that y'all and southern drawl
And just can't help it cause they just keep fallin'
For the boars 'round here
Hopin' a sow is near
Wheekin' 'bout sows, wheekin' 'bout hay
Wheekin' 'bout getting lettuce all dang day
The boars 'round here
Hopin' a sow is near 
Backwoods legit, take a corner and sit
Chew a carrot, chew a carrot, chew a carrot, spit
While the song was sung, the rest of the pigs grabbed a partner and started dancing on the floor. It was a good thing the pigs on stage had microphones with all the boot stomping and wheeking from the dance area. When the song was done, the pigs on stage got a standing ovation from the others. Quite a few of them blushed a bit at all the clapping and whistling from their friends on the dance floor. The caller came back and the square dancing continued. When the caller was tired out (there were just way too many dances to call!), Magnus and Ivan set up a disc jockey area and played songs for the pigs until the last couple finally was too tired to continue. The limo picked up the tired pigs and brought them back to their cozies and chillows for a very long sleep.