[Gpdd] Misc: Sunshine, my love

[corrine sakumoto]

I clean the piggies' pens once a day, then change all their blankies and cozies two times a day and refresh their bowls and hay (and water of course). As I was changing Sunshine's bedding she did her usual of going to her water bottle.  I saw her 'behind' hair was a little matted so I felt it and scratched it and it must've felt good as her leg started scratching her side.  I turned around to get a wet wipe and when I turned back she had fallen on her side and her legs were flailing.  I quickly picked her up but her head went limp.  I went screaming and running for Michael but he was out in the yard so I called him and sought his help.  Within minutes our beloved Sunshine was gone.  She lost her daughter, Little M, on December 31, two and a half months ago.  I was worried about her since.  But after being depressed, which is normal, she seemed to be okay.  She acted normal and occasionally bossed us around - WHEEEEK!!!!  Where's lunch?!!!  It's late!!!! - we loved it!  :)  We do have pests like roaches and mice but we do what we can since we don't want to use poison around the piggies.  Of course, we can do better but we hope the pests bother our fur babies as minimally as possible.  I need to know - did I kill her?  Because of the sequence of events I feel I did.  I've had chest pains, quite severe at times, but my doctor said it's related to losing my little girl.  If I did kill her, I need to know because I'm willing to pay the price.  I want to end my life.  I can't live with myself.  Even though Sunshine and her sister chose me, I don't feel worthy.  I feel blessed knowing Little M  her whole six years and four months.  We think Sunshine would have been seven in a couple of months.  We got them from the humane society.  My heart is very heavy and filled with immense pain.  I love you my sweet Sunshine.  I never meant to hurt you.  Ever.  I will love you and carry you in my heart forever.  Love, mommy Corrine and daddy Mikey 
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