[Gpdd] MISC: Snowy Bear, in my heart

[oreochockc at yahoo.com]

Dear Everyone and Everypig:  I want to thank everyone for their kind words and support.  I especially need them now.  For those of you who have offered me hugs, I'll say it again, I doubt you'd want that as I'd soak your shirt with my tears and I doubt I'd let go once in the arms of an understanding and loving fellow GPDDer.

Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I cannot live with this.  Yes, losing a dear little piggie is traumatic, but the WAY I lost Snowy Bear is too horrendous.  Sometimes my system cannot even digest a thought like that.  I have already asked my husband should anything happen to me, to please respect my wishes, and not resuscitate me.  Then I wonder maybe it's better to be in so much pain and suffering like the pain and suffering that I put Snowy Bear through?

As some around me have said, what's done is done and you can't change it.  No one can predict the future.  We didn't know that the vet would do what she did.  Yes, all of that is true, but I say, that doesn't mean I'll ever forget.  Bottom line is Snowy Bear suffered a lot at the hands of this woman that we trusted and he's no longer here.  That alone tears my heart apart.  I am Snowy Bear's mommy and whatever happens to him IS my fault.  I deserve the worst the world can throw at me after what I let happen to him.

Thanks again for everything.  You have all been so wonderful to me and I cherish you for that.

Corrine